Today She Would’ve Been Four (The Hope of Heaven)

Hope of Heaven

That’s what I woke up thinking this morning–
As the alarm-buzz jolted me to reality.
Those first years after she died, this day was so heavy,
Such a looming blanket of darkness…
That seemed to smother joy.

And I’m thinking of two in particular, as I write–
Who will face this Christmas in that new pain,
That fresh sting…
An empty hole where fullness once filled
A mama’s heart.

Yesterday was a strange day.
We awoke to both cars rifled through.
Nothing of value taken, but–
A Matthew 6 reminder…
Where thieves break in and steal.

A reminder from Him of forever.
And the assurance of eternal safety-security-protection…
Where treasures are stored up in Heaven.
And our treasured Selah is already there–
In Forever.

And on this day, that would’ve been her fourth birthday…
I thank Him for the time to
Pause and Value–
As her name suggests…
~ Selah ~

I thank Him for the little gifts that remind–
Her song played yesterday in church.
The sweet messages from friends and family…
Careful, tender fingerprints,
Of His love.

And I thank Him for the promise of Heaven…
That Selah’s life
And death,
Help me live holding tightly to the light of forever–
The hope of Heaven.

Because today she is four.
Not would’ve been,
With Him, in Heaven,
Where every tear is wiped away and death shall be no more.

And so tonight
We will remember…
Selah’s life.  The gift she was.
And her ongoing life,
With Him.

We will thank Him for Heaven.
For a joy that can’t be stolen.
For the tear-stained river
That leads to a pool of

And we’ll remember Selah Noelle.
Selah– to pause and value
Noelle– Christmas.
The birth of Christ,
In this pause before Forever.

“Living in light of eternity doesn’t remove my pain,
but it allows me to have hope in my moments of pain.” ~ Paul David Tripp 

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  1. Carla says

    My heart is breaking for you. I happened to stumble upon your post and tears are streaming down my face for your loss. I came here for help with parenting, for help with what to do with a 5 year old who is making me crazy with her 16-year-old attitude, and now I’m going to crouch by her bed, stare at her beautiful little face , and thank the Lord that I have more time, another chance to do better with her.
    May God give you strength for the tough times, when your heart is aching for little Selah Noelle.

  2. Kara says

    Oh Carla….thank you so much for these kind words.
    Just know though– I also very much understand about the five year old (with attitude 😉 ).
    Ours is in the other room, dressing up as Princess Tiana, before we head out to the market.
    It’s a good thing for me to remind myself of. Over and over. Because I get weary (yesterday was a rough day with her) and I forget how precious each day with her really is.
    We have three in middle school right now as well. Last week it hit me…the number of years we have “left” with them at home…that’ll also readjust my heart/attitude pretty quickly 😉

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